I am 45, Living My Golden Years.

It’s been 12 1/2 weeks of lockdown. There have been some loosening of the restrictions and I have a little more freedom to exercise outdoors and meet a small group of friends. But the majority of stores and restaurants still remain closed. As much as I like to get outside and hike, there is still ample opportunity to watch TV.

At the beginning of the lockdown, I began watching Grey’s Anatomy (a surgical TV show based mostly in a hospital) because it has 15 seasons. Binge watching this series would take some serious time commitment. Thankfully, with the quarantine in place, time was and still is ample. Just the other day, I logged on and realized I was already well into Season 6. And it was just one episode that really grabbed my attention.

On the show, an elderly man, Mr. Waller, came into the hospital wanting a penile implant. He was 82 and his new girlfriend was younger in her early 70’s. Mr. Waller’s adult children were by his side, chastising him for wanting such a frivolous pump and wasting his retirement money on an elective surgery. Mr. Waller told his children that he had worked all his life with their mother by his side, until she died a few years earlier. While married, Mr. Waller didn’t spend a dime of his nest egg. The children argued that the man would want to leave some money for college funds for his grandchildren. Mr. Waller was steadfast in his decision to spend his money on a penile implant in his “Golden Years”. Spoiler: he did get the appliance.

Now, here is where my interest really perked up (pun intended). The Golden Years. What exactly does this mean and when are these supposed years to take place? According to the dictionary, the Golden Years are the late years in someone’s life; the time of life when someone is old. What an oxymoron! Golden Years sounds glorious, something worth striving, shiny, and maybe even a medal. The late years in life, the years when one is old, sound a bit depressing, heading toward an end, boring, and slow. What is Golden about that?

And this is just part of the marketing and template that the United States sells. It is all part of the American Dream, right? Because once you put in your 45-55 years of work, then you get to retire and live out your Golden Years! The average age of retirement in the US is 65, which may leave you with just 10 (20 if you surpass the odds) years to enjoy your Golden Years. And how tired, how exhausted, how defeated will you be at age 65? Mentally and physically – working decades to finally enjoy your nest egg – and will you be up for the challenge of actually enjoying these years? Will you have the stamina to travel, to garden, to hike, to swim, to elect installation of a penis pump, to complete all the bucket list items you created while you were young and working? And, in fact, the marketing is currently changing to even lessen your Golden Years! “As people are now living longer than ever, it’s worth holding off on retirement until age 70. Delaying your retirement for a few years can mean less financial worry once you reach it. Then, you can relax and truly enjoy your retirement years.” (www.balance.com)

Let me get this right. The marketing plan of the US recommends working until the age of 70. And the average age of death is 78. By my estimates, that leaves 8 Golden Years, where one can relax and enjoy retirement…In a nursing home? In an active adult community? Watching TV and waiting for the weekly nurse to come by and check vitals? I have many family members and friends over the age of 70. Some are active and still driving but mostly remain local, some are home bound, some have dementia, some are in nursing homes, and a few maintain a travel-rich lifestyle. But all would say that their stamina and physical activity is significantly lower, which makes me still question the term Golden Years. Is it simply the lack of a day-to-day job, and a free and open schedule, in which Golden is coined? Is it the removal of financial worry? Because I am quite keen that many 70+ year old people still worry about the cost of health care, amount of retirement savings, and even if social security will remain a viable monthly amount to cover minimal expenses. Do not let me leave out those that miss these Golden Years entirely. I have plenty of examples of family and friends that left this Earth too early to fit the plan.

Then, why can’t one make the Golden Years live up to its lustrous name by shifting the years to the middle? The years when one is active, lucid, physically capable, and mentally challengeable (I made that word up). Why can’t the accumulated retirement funds of the last 20-30 years be used to take a few sabbatical years off? Maybe these redefined Golden Years in your 40’s or 50’s could be used to go back to school, travel or live abroad, take care of the new grandchildren, or simply relax and take up a unique hobby. These reformulated Golden Years could be the fresh start of a new career. Or maybe one could actually make those retirement funds stretch to the end. How about that? Work half your life, and simply enjoy the other half.

But that’s not the marketing plan. America has you embedded in a paradigm. It has you financially stuck to a corporate health care plan which anchors you in your job. It has you tied down to your retirement funds which can’t be accessed until 59 1/2 without penalty. It pushes a super materialistic society in which you have to keep purchasing more and upgrading in order to keep up. It promotes spending and debt, and discourages saving. America advertises that it is the best, the grandest, the most advanced in everything in the world: the health care system, the economy, the military, the democracy, the American Dream. Why would you take anything less than the finest? I am not denouncing the US. I just don’t and didn’t buy into the American template for my life. I decided with my family to flip the narrative, undo The American Dream, and spend my Golden Years in my 40’s.

I suppose my intent in this post to make you look at your life, your plan, your career, your family, your wants and desires, and see how it is working for you. Maybe you like the steadfast plan of working, retirement, and death. There is a stability there with little risk. But maybe you don’t quite like the track you are on. Maybe you are bored, unhappy, exhausted already at 45, feeling regret, feeling missed opportunities, or desiring a change. That’s the part that started out as a whisper, then a good stern talk, then screaming at me, until I took a leap. Skipping over many years and decisions, here I am, currently living in Barcelona and “temporarily” retired. It is the equivalent of a penile implant at 82, but I am 45 years old and living out my Golden Years. Up, up, and away.